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Sunday, March 29, 2009

he was my sunshine, & my heartbreaker!
and yes, u people know its him, still...










words, its only words.

i dun understand why does people use sweet werds to lure the opposite sex?
i mean, if thats the case, is the feeling towards him/her fer real?

and words.
words that makes people feel like that their on CLOUD 9.
but, actual fact, do they really mean it?


and yes, i do admit.
i do over think on stuffs at times.
but, its kinda too late fer regrets, aint it?


why do i say such stuff?

cos my mr emotions controller has been playing wif my feelings.
fer the past few days, ive been having sleepless nights.
sleeping at 3am, waking up at 7am.
like WTF right.

i woke up feeling kiinda happy this morning,
msged and stuff, few hours after waking up,
i was feeling pissed.

and now, im kinda regreting it wat i kinda did.
but then, i asked myself.

i swear, no one has made me cried a mini kallang river sia.!
honest.


is it all worth it?
sometimes, i feel kinda fucked up.

why do i bother, when hes happy wif someone else?
and ya, i know u people say.

"fazleen, get a life laa."
"move on. hes not worth it."
"he did u wrong."
"u deserve someone better."
"why do u bother"
"hes happy enjoying himself, and why should u be sad."


i tried and tried.
failed.
started all over again.
tried and tried.
and yet, came crumbling down again.

but, at the end of all these.
i could only think of a few sentences.


"after we sought revenge, it ruined our relationship totally"
but, what relationship do i haf wif him now?


and yes, he was my sunshine but hes now my heartbreaker.
why do i love him so much, u ask?
i wont say it laa.
cos i wouldnt want another fucked-up slutty whore to steal him, again,right?
but, oh wait.
hes isnt mine.
when hes not around, i'll say to myself,

"eh slenge, u know he's wif her. and god knows what they haf done. why u even bother. pls eh fazleen, last warning, get a life."


it doesnt hurt seeing them happy togther.
IT KILLS ME!

its almost coming to 2 months, and yet, yes i SUCK big time.
i know i do too.
but whenever i see him, my heart beats faster and slower at the same time.
i reli dunno laa.
amist all these 'fatimah rocker' laughter, my heart still do beat, fer him.
but he just dun see it. or maybe he dont bother to even bother.


every single day, i was tempted to msg him 48567342986947689328 times!
but, i didnt.
i just simply wanted to know how his day is, haf he eaten, how is he feeling today.
i wanted to, but i cant.
cos, ill be dissapointing the important people in my life.
why should i wanna do that, right?

and when im blogging this out, i cnt help it but teared.
besides, i wont want to be second best, i wanna be THE best.
but hey, second comes before third!
*kening naik-naik*
hahahahahahaha.

i shan't pour out my entire feeelings here.
this is just a sneak peak of it.
yes just aboit 17% of how i feel, and think.
and, pls dun judge simply cos u aint in my shoe.


so, yea.
i do tend to keep stuffs to myself, most of the time.
and only let it out, whens its too late.

pls, please be gone, you sleepless nights.
and, this 'feeling' as well.


PS: Please stop staring at me just because u feel save behind that counter. i can just come over if i want to uh. Last warning eh, missy. Seriously.

And and, if u dare to make up stories, please take the ownership. Dun push the blame to me. I dun enjoy clearing people's fucked up mess. tho' i was in housekeeping before.
hahaah.



and, OMFG!
im freaking late to werk!

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